The Intersection of Duty and Home Life

Local, state, and federal fire departments each have unique roles in protecting our country from the devastation that a fire can bring to a community. Working in the fire service is usually a dream job. It is challenging, exciting, and colleagues become like a second family. There are times when one critical incident, or too many in row can change the way someone feels about their loved ones or this great career. It is tempting to think that work can be left at work and that family is not affected by what happens at the firehouse. The reverse is also false; home life stays at home and family does not affect the job. To be a strong firefighter means staying psychologically fit to manage home and work life stressors.

The "Fire Triangle" of Mental Health

I see psychological fitness as a dynamic system made up of three parts that can change quickly; I compare it to the fire triangle. Three things must be present to have a fire: fuel, oxygen and heat or ignition source. Remove one, and the fire changes drastically.

Psychological fitness can be thought of as a triangle. If one thing such as behavior, thoughts or mood is changed, psychological fitness will also change.

Breaking the Cycle of Self-Blame

If a paramedic or firefighter starts thinking “woulda, coulda, shoulda, or what if?” and then withdraws from other friends and family (behavior), she could experience the anger which accompanies these self-blaming thoughts. If she changes her isolation behavior to attending a debriefing then her peers could help her with a more realistic perspective (thoughts) on the situation. This could improve her mood.

Strategies for Maintaining Perspective

Exercising on a regular basis, speaking to peer support members and attending critical incident stress debriefing can be healthy, helpful ways to stay on top of your game and keep a good perspective on the job and life in general. Another option is to talk to a psychologist and get a different perspective on relationships, the future or current emotional discomfort.

Resistance training band and small weights on a wooden floor

A Path Toward Change

Are you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired? Do you want to stop a situation from becoming any worse? Is this is the last time you want to feel this badly? Please consider making an appointment with me so that we can start to make a change in your life.

Call to make an appointment

510.797.4911 (Voice Only)

Helpful Videos

Helpful Books

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
By Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD with Michael Spring
Publisher HarperCollins, New York NY, 292 pages, Copyright 1996

Applying Occupational Psychology to the Fire Service: Emotion, Risk and Decision-Making
Edited By Thomas Rhys Evans and Gail Steptoe-Warren
Publisher Palgrave Macmillan, 321 pages, Copyright 2019

Damaged: A First Responder’s Experiences Handling Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
By James Meuer
Publisher WestBow Press, 64 pages, Copyright 2013

Fire Service Psychology: A Comprehensive Approach to Enhancing Firefighter Health, Safety, and Longevity
By Kristen Wheldon
Publisher Springer, 351 pages, Copyright 2025

Flash Point: A Firefighter’s Journey Through PTSD
By Christy Warren
Publisher She Writes Press, 274 pages, Copyright 2023

Forgive for Good
By Dr. Fred Luskin
Publisher HarperOne, 220 pages, Copyright 2002

I Can’t Save You and I Don’t Want to Die Trying: American Fire Culture
By Dr. Burton A. Clark, EFO
Publisher Premium Press America, 312 pages, Copyright 2024

I Love a Firefighter: What the Family Needs to Know, Second Edition
By Ellen Kirschman, PhD
Publisher The Guilford Press, 336 pages, Copyright 2021

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder in Firefighters: The Calls That Stick with You
By Paul J. Antonellis, Jr., MA, CEAP, CAS, and Shannon Gwin Mitchell, PhD
Publisher Chevron, 138 pages, Copyright 2005

Scenes of Compassion: A Responder’s Guide for Dealing with Emergency Scene Emotional Crisis, Second Edition
By Timothy W. Dietz, MA
Publisher Behavioral Health Resources, 110 pages, Copyright 2009

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
By Gary Chapman
Publisher Northfield Publishing, 203 pages, Copyright 2004

The PTSD Workbook: Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms
By Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS., and Soili Poijula, PhD
Publisher New Harbinger Publications Inc., 237 pages, Copyright 2002

The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You, and How to Get Good at it
By Kelly McGonical, PhD
Publisher Avery, 279 pages, Copyright 2016

When Psychological Problems Mask Medical Disorders: A Guide for Psychotherapists, Second Edition
By James Morrison
Publisher The Guilford Press, 247 pages, Copyright 2015

Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams
By Matthew Walker, PhD
Publisher Scribner, 360 pages, Copyright 2017

Working Fire: The Making of an Accidental Fireman
By Zach Unger
Publisher The Penguin Press, 262 pages, Copyright 2004

Helpful Links

  • First Responder Support Group
  • There is an alternative to choir practice: Peace Officers Fellowship Meetings
  • San Mateo County CISM Team
  • How to choose a psychologist
  • FSPA - Fire Service Psychology Association. Proud member since 2018
  • FRSN - First Responder Support Network. Resources page
  • CFCA - California Fire Chaplain Association